The Pledge of Allegiance

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty, and justice for all.

Like most schools, most days at my school begin with standing, facing the flag, and reciting the pledge. I look around at the students who are mumbling words, fidgeting, many doing anything but saying the pledge. It bothers me, and some of that is because it mirrors what's happening in my heart each morning.

I don't remember being bothered by the pledge as a student, or even while teaching in Lakeville after graduating. It was a daily ritual to remind us of our allegiance to our country. And I guess I was okay with that.

In leading the pledge most mornings for my fifth graders, I've struggled with whether or not I really do pledge my allegiance to this country. I understand that the United States is a wonderful place to live and full of incredible opportunities. After living in a different country for seven years I returned to the US and find myself not completely enthralled with the US. Mornings find me going through the motions. Mouthing words that don't ring true in my heart or mind. I find that my heart longs for something better. I'd gladly pledge my allegiance to that place, to our heavenly kingdom and King.

Be Here

In a world that is so filled with things and ideas and people and places and thoughts and options and noises, it really is a challenge to be still. This morning my heart was challenged through this video to make that choice.

Friendship

I've heard it said that marriage is a great example of Christ's love for the church. I've been thinking about friendship a lot recently and wondering about how friendships lived out in the context of intentional community can do the same. I wonder how the community of believers would look differently if we sought out ways to love those around us in tangible/visible ways.

Friends mean a lot to me and I've done a lot of different things to let my friends know I care: traveling together, sending cards, flying across an ocean to surprise a friend for her wedding, sending valentines, babysitting, rearranging my schedule to make time with them a priority, celebrating life accomplishments together, standing streetside to cheer during a marathon....

I've had friends who've cared for me in incredible ways as well: flowers on my birthday, flying across an ocean to visit me and see my life in Romania, letters/cards of encouragement, speaking truth, holding me as I cry, cheering me on during difficult seasons...

I'm incredibly thankful for the friends God's placed in my life. In this season of transition, I find myself wondering who those friends might be in this new location. Who is God inviting me to see and love? Who might God bring along to do the same for me? I'm thankful for the gift of community and challenged to consider what God would have me do.

Furry Motors

Driving back from trying to test drive a car today, the large sign caught my eye. I did a double take and realized the sign actually said Fury Motors, but I'll forever think of it as Furry Motors. I wonder how many people have done the same thing...thought they knew what they saw and perhaps didn't take the time to do a second glance. I wonder how often that happens in life. We might think we know what's happening around us...in the life of a friend, why a student is late, why someone is pulled over on the freeway...if we stopped to take a second glance or ask a question, we might find we really had no idea.

Praying Big

For two months I've been car shopping...off and on... This is the first time I've ever made this decision on my own. The only cars I've owned prior to this were ones I purchased from my parents. So, I find myself in a unique position at 31 as I search for a car. At the beginning of this process, my expectations were high - I'd find a car I'd love to drive and it would last for years and years. Not knowing my preferences, I started looking for 4 door cars. The playing field narrowed as I started figuring out a bit more about what I like/dislike in cars. I'm just not a fan of the Dodge Stratus or VW Jetta. I feel like I finally have a few makes/models that I would buy and now it's just waiting to find the 'right' car. I spent Friday searching online only to learn some of the cars were already sold. I drove to a dealer Mon after school and learned the car I wanted to look at sold just that morning. It left me feeling discouraged and defeated last night. I thought this was going to be an exciting process and instead it's turning into the opposite. I'm ready to buy the first car I see and be done with this process...probably not the best place to be.

I realized last night at small group that like many things in life I didn't choose to 'bother' God with the details of this car search. I haven't asked about the amount of money I'm thinking about spending or asked that he would provide for this need of mine. So, this morning I'm starting with a new attitude...praying that God would provide a car for me in the next week. I'm asking for a red Pontiac G6 with 3.5 L V6 engine with low miles under $10,000. That's my hope. That's what it means to pray big in this area of my life right now. And it's scary to put it out there...

I was thinking back to my time in Romania and looking for an apartment 6 years ago. I had a list of criteria--things I wanted in my 'dream apartment' and God graciously provided an apartment that was all that I hoped and more. It was a haven and a place of peace for 4 years. Do I really believe that God cares about the seemingly 'unspiritual' or 'insignificant' details of my life or am I content to try and figure everything out on my own?

Remember

September 11 found me sitting in church watching a video about the events of ten years ago. I can remember back to the staff lounge at Otter Lake Elementary School. I was in the first weeks of my student teaching. An individual came in to interrupt our whole staff meeting; the tv was switched on and our worlds shifted. The video that was shown in church focused on what we as a country learned during the days and months that followed that tragedy. One phrase that caught my attention: "We learned to...remember our losses"

It got me thinking...is it always best to remember those things we've lost. I feel sometimes that the list of things I've lost could stretch for pages and pages. Is it really good to hold on and remember. I know there's value in feeling loss and not ignoring the pain that often accompanies it. On the other hand, I believe it's God's grace that allows us to let go and continue to press ahead. If I were to need to constantly live with the memory of each loss, I think the weight of them might crush me.

Perhaps as individuals we struggle at different points along the spectrum. Some of us hate to face the loss we've faced and fight to erase it from memory. Others live so deeply in the loss that other dimensions of life dim and all is consumed in that memory. I think either end is extreme. Like many pieces of life, I imagine the balance in the middle is found only with grace of God and the ability to live balanced takes practice.

As I think about the losses in my own life on both sides of the ocean, I pray that God would bring healing and that my life would be transformed because of those experiences...that instead of getting stuck in those events, God would enable me to continue to walk ahead in faith.

Community

Continuing to stay intentional about creating community is sometimes difficult when living in the same town as other people. Challenges grow when friendships begin to span the state, country, and even the world. During my time in college and Romania, I was blessed to meet many new people, to form friendships, and to invest in each other's lives. In the midst of those seasons and as they concluded, people scattered. At first it was friends who were a class ahead in college. In Romania, it was roommates, colleagues, and dear friends that left the locale where we met. In each situation, I too found myself in the place of the one leaving instead of the one staying behind. With people moving across the state or to the other side of the globe, it seems there must be better ways than facebook to stay connected.

This month, I've had the opportunity to connect with friends in my city, state, country, and world. In each relationship we've worked to find unique ways to communicate. With friends in the same city I went for a walk this afternoon and dropped to give a hug to another friend. Skype has become a great tool to use when connecting with friends in Pennsylvania and Budapest (at the same time). I love being able to chat while I'm driving home late at night with friends in Los Angeles.

Intentionality. Choices. Relationships don't maintain themselves. They take work. As I consider what I hope community might look like in my life now that I live in St. Paul, MN, I'm trying to find new ways of connecting with people, investing in them, and inviting them into my life. It's scary to look at beginning again, but I know it's what God is calling and leading me to do.

What does your community look like? How are you stepping out in faith in this area?

The Game of Life

As I sat down this morning to spend some time journaling, I began to think about the differences between living in Romania and Minnesota. The list is long, but something new stood out to me today. Because of the church I attend and the school where I work, I'm surrounded by people (generally) my age and younger. There certainly isn't anything wrong with this, but it's so very different from my time in Romania. I regularly found myself the youngest person in the room with the least amount of experience. It's not unusual now to be one of the older people in a group.

Friends are getting engaged. More than a handful of friends are pregnant. Houses are bought and sold. Jobs are exchanged.

Isn't that how the game of life proceeds. You begin by choosing an occupation and salary. Rounding the corner you are stopped to get married. Proceed next to the point of buying a house. The number of kids is hugely variable...it all depends on your spins. Along the way, the goal is to accrue the most money and life tiles, avoiding expenses and capitalizing on opportunities to gain more.

Many live their lives in a similar way, buying into the world's plan for our lives. The expectation is marriage and kids and house and retirement. Singles are questioned about marriage. Newlyweds are asked about when they'll start having kids. We're always looking ahead at what's next.

I wonder then about what the game of life would look like if God designed it. I figure the board would be ever changing. I doubt you'd be able to look ahead and know the outcome of each fork in the road before selecting one to travel. As each person came to taking their turn, the board might morph to reflect the unique plan God has for that individual. Perhaps the majority of the board would begin blank, only filling in as one moved along the path. The goal wouldn't be to end with the most money, retiring in ease. Maybe the focus would be on making the most impact, on taking risks and trusting.

I wonder what it would look like if we changed the way we look at life. What would God want our perspective to be? How can we help each other to choose to play God's plan for life instead of the world's game of life?

Forgetting

Last month I traveled to Germany to attend the ReachGlobal Europe Conference. It was wonderful to be with dear friends one last time, to be able to say goodbyes to colleagues spread across the continent. I loved the opportunity to stay up late talking, to enjoy adventures in a new town, to not worry about cooking my own meals. God did a mighty work in my heart during that time as well. There were new pieces of affirmation about the decision to move back to MN. Friends helped confront some lies that had been getting far too much attention. Waking up to the beauty of the German countryside was wonderfully refreshing. There was healing for unmet expectations. Hope began to spring anew in my heart. Dreams began to take shape.

Tonight I found myself struggling. My time with ReachGlobal has officially come to an end. Though I spent last school year in MN, I'm facing more changes and adjustments as the realities of this new stage of life set in. This isn't a small step...some days it feels like a leap off a cliff. There are many pieces that are shifting.

As I drove home, I realized that I've allowed the past two weeks to overshadow the previous one. I'd already let go of and forgotten what God did in Germany. Somehow the present felt more relevant and real than the past...or even the future.

What is the best way to remember? How can I hold on to truths that God has so clearly shown me?

I think of how often God reminded Israel to remember and how the same holds true for me. I need to find ways to remember. Tonight it meant turning off the radio during my car ride home to spend time remembering. I thought back to what happened in Germany and about how I lost sight so quickly with the events of a new school year beginning. Perhaps next time it won't take me two weeks to realize I've forgotten. Perhaps there's some way to create a stone of remembrance.

It's worth it to remember.

Minot...Why not?

Two weekends ago, I drove from Minneapolis, MN to Minot, ND. It wasn't a personal choice to make the trip. I wasn't excited about the extended hours alone in a car. So, why did I go? The car I had been able to use for this past year needed to be returned to that organization. A few days after learning of the need to return the car in person, I learned of a possible ride back to Minneapolis (alleviating the need to take the train).

I had heard bits and pieces about flooding in the area, but wasn't really sure what that meant. Amtrak wasn't running at the time. I arrived in Minot and stopped to get a few snacks for the car ride back to Minneapolis. Almost everyone in line around me was buying bottled water. I saw individuals from Salvation Army, Red Cross, and Mennonite Disaster Relief. Suddenly, the impact of what flooding must mean was a bit more real. I spent the night at a church which was also hosting a work weekend 'retreat'. The following morning I got in a car with three strangers and we set out toward Minneapolis.

Along the way I learned about how they'd spent the past 7 days in Minot. If I'm remembering correctly, 25% of homes flooded. It's been decades since flooding of this sort has happened in Minot so most were unprepared. I saw pictures of homes that were filled with standing water for days. Piles of trash lined the streets.

I'd never really known what flooding meant for a home. I learned during the car trip that everything is stripped from the home. Sheetrock is removed. Belongings are discarded. Everything that has been touched by flood water is impacted. Often basements need to be pumped/sucked out. Once everything has been removed, the remaning boards are treated to kill any mold that might be lingering. Houses are then left two dry out. They expect that the earliest families will be able to even think about rebuilding is next spring. They'll spend this winter sharing homes with other families or living in FEMA trailers (some of which I passed during my drive to Minot). With MN winters, some people are concerned that the trailers will be warm enough during the winter months.

All this lead me to wonder why I'd not heard about Minot. I didn't even know there had been flooding. I wasn't aware that many families were dealing with the loss of their homes with little hope of being about to be home for Christmas...or maybe even Easter. I didn't know.

Now I do and I'm struggling with what to do. I'm not sure that I can go and tear down sheetrock. I don't think I can invite a family to move in with me. My heart was touched and I'm trying to figure out how to reach out with compassion. I'd love to fill a bus with friends, showing up in Minot ready to work hard for a week, or even a weekend.

Why not?