I Can See...Blinded by Pride

This past week I successfully finished hanging the lights in the rest of my apartment. The ones in the bedrooms were particularly hard. My arms hurt, I had to buy more concrete drill bits, and try all sorts of little tricks to try and make things work. I was stubborn enough though to keep persisting even with the frustrations. Or was it pride...I find myself stubbornly resistant to asking for help.

Just before I returned to MN, I had some beds that I needed to move between the two bedrooms. I figured that I would have no problems moving them by myself. Besides, who was I going to call in the middle of the day that would be able to find time before I finished moving them myself? So, I moved the two beds. I didn't even scratch the doorframe too badly. That evening as I looked down at my arms, I saw huge bruises beginning to form. For the time they stayed on my arm, they were a reminder to me of how my pride and impatience can hurt me-in a real way. The bruises are now gone, but the reminder stays.

Even with such a visual reminder, I find myself fighting pride. There is a little part of me that wants to prove that I can do it on my own. There is the part that wonders what people think of me. I think I also question whether people are really willing to help. (I know, it's a bit neurotic since I enjoy helping other people and feel honored when they ask for my help.) Looking ahead at this year, I sense that God is calling me to set aside my pride-without his having to pry it from me. I am not thrilled about doing that at all, but am doing my best to trust that his ways are best.

IN YOUR HANDS
By Ashley Renee Robertson, Russia

When life is so uncertain,
and I just can't understand,
when I can't see what's ahead of me
and I feel like giving in;
When I've tried my best
but that is not enough,
and I'm tired of ‘taking a stand,’
Lord, give me the strength to love your will,
and place everyday In Your Hands.

When everything seems hopeless,
and I can't face the world again,
when people disappoint me,
and the hurt never seems to end,
when every day's a struggle
You still have a perfect plan;
help me to know that You're in control -
everything's In Your Hands.

When I need someone to listen
but no one seems to care,
when I feel so alone
as I realize no one's there;
When I feel the pressure to try to fit in,
to find my value in man,
help me to learn that my worth is in You
as I look at the scars In Your Hands.

Even when the pain seems pointless,
I know You're working it out for good.
I want others to see this in my life.
Help me handle things like You would.
When it feels like I can't do anything right,
when people misunderstand,
when everything's confused around me,
I know I'll always be safe In Your Hands.

Answered Prayer

I was looking through old posts this morning and came across the one I had written with specific prayer requests about my new apartment back at the end of March. It is fun to be sitting in my new apartment and see that all of those things are included in this apartment. And although it isn't high, I don't look straight into the side of other cement buildings. Another benefit for being on a lower floor is that furniture didn't have to be carried up so far:) Isn't God amazing!

Walking in Love

When I was younger, I loved to be in bed and read. Many nights, I turned on the lamp above my bed to read after my bedtime. Sometimes I read until I heard my mother's footsteps on the stairs. I could always tell it was her coming up and I knew that she would generally come into our rooms to say good night. I wasn't supposed to be reading so I would turn off the light, stash my book, scramble under the covers and try to slow my breathing. My mother never mentioned that she knew what I was doing, but I always wondered if she suspected.

Before the school year ended I remember walking into a room and someone said that they knew it was me coming by the way I walked. I was thinking about that the other day as I walked home from the mall with a child who had wheels in her shoes. A Romanian we passed turned around to watch us as we passed by. His look was fun to see:)

It made me wonder if people turn to look as I walk out my life in front of them. Do the people I interact with at the grocery store (and other places) see that I am walking my life in a different way than most of the world? Do my steps fit with the way I am talking? Am I walking in love or am I just resounding gong?

Letting Go

I have never been very good at letting go. Instead, I like to hold on to things for as long as I can. Perhaps it is a sense of security that comes from the known instead of the unknown. I've been reading recently about letting go. I can't say that I am excited about it yet, but I want to change my perspective from arranging for life here to looking forward to life in heaven. This isn't it-there's more and I keep being told it's better than here. At our spring music program one of the choruses illustrated the grandeur of heaven: In six days you created everything, but you've been working on heaven for two thousand years. How amazing it must be!

Dear Jesus, help me to dream of heaven, to have great expectations of what you are preparing. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on the prize instead of life here. Thank you for your patience with me as I hold more tightly than I should to things here. Help me to let go and trust you.

Thunder

Do you know how I know God loves me?

Today his reassurance came by way of a thunderstorm. Just this morning I was commenting to my roommmate about how much I missed thunderstorms. This evening while out with some ladies from my Bible study for some time away with God at a small church tucked away in Bucharest, God showered me (quite literally) with his love. Amazing!

Walking Blind

I have been walking the same path to school for the last two years. Yesterday I saw a door that I hadn't ever really paid any attention to. Today, I stopped to actually think about the people that I pass many mornings.

Usually I see:
-a dad and his son on their way to work and school
-a woman who walks slowly with a crutch
-a man who seems to always be dressed in a black suit
-a police officer
-an older man always wearing a suit
-a woman and her young son-generally she is carrying his backpack

It amazes me at how "for granted" I take the "sidewalk" and the people I encounter on my way to school. I don't stop to talk. I wonder if they would remember seeing me.

Quick Changes

Yesterday offered me the opportunity to truly appreciate the many who worked backstage at Northwestern College with me-especially those who did quickchanges:)

Last night was our elementary spring music program. I was responsible for making sure the first and second graders were on stage at the right time (and wearing the right things). There were ten of them that Whitney and I did our best to get dressed and ready on time. Occupying them during rehearsals involved running laps outside, doing jumping jacks, and learning how to make snakes and ducks with my hands. I couldn't make them today if I wanted to:)

Our changes involved getting Mary off stage only to take her "smock" and put it on Jesus with some embellishments-all within three lines. Another fun change was getting all ten off the stage only to get them signs with plagues and back on stage after the other grades sang through the chorus once. Needless to say the plagues weren't in order and they weren't holding the right ones, but they were on stage:)

It was fun, but I am glad that it is over-a weight lifted off my shoulders. A funny thing to mention too is that all of these quick changes were visible to about half of the audience:)

Technical Difficulties

Yesterday at church, the projector wasn't working. This meant a complete lack of words for the majority of the songs we sang. I mentioned to the woman sitting beside me that it would be a great chance to sing in English. In fact, it became a great opportunity to see how God has placed Romanian on my heart-the words came more easily than I could have imagined. It was a blessing to be able to worship with my brothers and sisters here-in the same language!

Dust

Would you believe it if I told you that Bucharest has more dust than any other European capital. Would that explain why there is such a need to water the streets each morning? Or perhaps why right after you dust, there is a nice layer coating everything? As I am sure you can imagine there are other impacts of this excessive level of dust as well! Oh for clean air:)


Excerpt from article in Bucharest Daily News:
Bucharest has ten times more dust than other European capitals
There is ten times more dust in Bucharest than in any other European capital and the main cause is the disappearance of green areas in the capital in the last 16 years, according to the vice president of the Environment Experts Association, Florin Vasiliu yesterday."The amount of dust in Bucharest reaches 260-280 tons per square kilometer. This cannot be found in any European capital, where the average amount is less than 20 tons per square kilometer," Vasiliu said.