I Can See...Blinded by Pride

This past week I successfully finished hanging the lights in the rest of my apartment. The ones in the bedrooms were particularly hard. My arms hurt, I had to buy more concrete drill bits, and try all sorts of little tricks to try and make things work. I was stubborn enough though to keep persisting even with the frustrations. Or was it pride...I find myself stubbornly resistant to asking for help.

Just before I returned to MN, I had some beds that I needed to move between the two bedrooms. I figured that I would have no problems moving them by myself. Besides, who was I going to call in the middle of the day that would be able to find time before I finished moving them myself? So, I moved the two beds. I didn't even scratch the doorframe too badly. That evening as I looked down at my arms, I saw huge bruises beginning to form. For the time they stayed on my arm, they were a reminder to me of how my pride and impatience can hurt me-in a real way. The bruises are now gone, but the reminder stays.

Even with such a visual reminder, I find myself fighting pride. There is a little part of me that wants to prove that I can do it on my own. There is the part that wonders what people think of me. I think I also question whether people are really willing to help. (I know, it's a bit neurotic since I enjoy helping other people and feel honored when they ask for my help.) Looking ahead at this year, I sense that God is calling me to set aside my pride-without his having to pry it from me. I am not thrilled about doing that at all, but am doing my best to trust that his ways are best.

IN YOUR HANDS
By Ashley Renee Robertson, Russia

When life is so uncertain,
and I just can't understand,
when I can't see what's ahead of me
and I feel like giving in;
When I've tried my best
but that is not enough,
and I'm tired of ‘taking a stand,’
Lord, give me the strength to love your will,
and place everyday In Your Hands.

When everything seems hopeless,
and I can't face the world again,
when people disappoint me,
and the hurt never seems to end,
when every day's a struggle
You still have a perfect plan;
help me to know that You're in control -
everything's In Your Hands.

When I need someone to listen
but no one seems to care,
when I feel so alone
as I realize no one's there;
When I feel the pressure to try to fit in,
to find my value in man,
help me to learn that my worth is in You
as I look at the scars In Your Hands.

Even when the pain seems pointless,
I know You're working it out for good.
I want others to see this in my life.
Help me handle things like You would.
When it feels like I can't do anything right,
when people misunderstand,
when everything's confused around me,
I know I'll always be safe In Your Hands.

Answered Prayer

I was looking through old posts this morning and came across the one I had written with specific prayer requests about my new apartment back at the end of March. It is fun to be sitting in my new apartment and see that all of those things are included in this apartment. And although it isn't high, I don't look straight into the side of other cement buildings. Another benefit for being on a lower floor is that furniture didn't have to be carried up so far:) Isn't God amazing!

Walking in Love

When I was younger, I loved to be in bed and read. Many nights, I turned on the lamp above my bed to read after my bedtime. Sometimes I read until I heard my mother's footsteps on the stairs. I could always tell it was her coming up and I knew that she would generally come into our rooms to say good night. I wasn't supposed to be reading so I would turn off the light, stash my book, scramble under the covers and try to slow my breathing. My mother never mentioned that she knew what I was doing, but I always wondered if she suspected.

Before the school year ended I remember walking into a room and someone said that they knew it was me coming by the way I walked. I was thinking about that the other day as I walked home from the mall with a child who had wheels in her shoes. A Romanian we passed turned around to watch us as we passed by. His look was fun to see:)

It made me wonder if people turn to look as I walk out my life in front of them. Do the people I interact with at the grocery store (and other places) see that I am walking my life in a different way than most of the world? Do my steps fit with the way I am talking? Am I walking in love or am I just resounding gong?