Restless

by Audrey Assad

You dwell in the songs that we are singing

Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart

Our praises filling up the spaces

In between and frailty and everything You are

You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless

'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You

I'm restless, I'm restless

'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You

Oh God, I wanna rest in You

Oh, speak now for my soul is listening

Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart

You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless

'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You

I'm restless, I'm restless

'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You

I wanna rest in You

Still my heart hold me close

Let me hear a still small voice

Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

And I'm restless, I'm restless

'Til I rest in You, let me rest in You

I'm restless, so restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I will rest in You

I've had a couple of nights of restless sleep recently and it's not something I enjoy. As I was sorting papers this evening, I came across a reminder of this song and appreciated the reminder that I need to find rest in God. Though my circumstances might not be rest-giving, I can choose to turn to God for rest. It kind of goes against the grain...letting go and surrendering, trusting that if I rest God is more than able to work on my behalf and that I can cease striving. What an incredible promise.

Detours

Sometimes there are bright orange signs along the way warning of an upcoming detour, preparing you for the change that is coming. Sometimes it seems the road closed sign appears from out of nowhere with arrows pointing off in the distance, leading to a detour. Those unexpected detours can be a most frustrating event. They can leave you confused and irritated, wondering why you hadn't seen the detour coming and wondering if you'll ever make it to where you wanted to go.

In life, these detours often come in the way of unexpected phone calls, emails sent in the middle of the night, or a surprising announcement. It’s just enough to catch you off guard, to perhaps cause you to stumble for a second before finding your bearings. Sometimes it’s a short detour, a matter of minutes before order seems to be restored. At other times the detour is a longer path, perhaps never returning to the original course.

One such detour happened in my life yesterday. I woke expecting a day of connecting with people and enjoying the company of friends. Before I could set out to enjoy those joyous events, an email came that sent my mind on a detour, imagining possibilities and trying to figure out different scenarios. I found myself caught in a huge shift in plans, feeling excited and overwhelmed all at the same time. The shock wore off a bit today as plans proceeded a bit more normally and I was able to steer back onto my planned path for today—working on grad school assignments. The detour isn’t far from my mind and it leaves me wondering whether I missed the signs. Were there signs along the way that God was trying to use to prepare me for this change? Was I too focused on my destination to take notice of flashing lights and neon orange signs? Perhaps I wasn’t meant to have advance notice. Perhaps it was a way for God to draw my eyes to Him, to move toward trusting Him instead of depending on my own strength. Perhaps…

Invisible made Visible

It's been awhile since some things were visible. Driving down Brookridge Avenue yesterday, I saw for the first time in months the white chain link fence in front of a neighbor's house that adds to its charm.  Christmas decorations, once just barely protruding above the piles of snow are now fully visible (and a little out of place for St. Patrick's Day). My house number is once again visible from the road (instead of being hidden behind snow shoveled from the roof into piles higher than my head). The babbling brook down the hill from my house is flowing quickly downhill, making up for lost time frozen in place. Grass is peeking up from beneath the blanket of white. Birds are reappearing from the winter hideaways. You can actually see what people are wearing becuase the heavy winter coats of the past few months are being left at home. The signs of spring are everywhere and it brings with it hope of a new season.

The life of faith is often one of trusting in the invisible. Most of us haven't seen God and it sometimes seems when looking at the hurt and pain in the world around us that God isn't in control or even aware of what's happening in our lives. In the next moment, the invisible is made visible. Suddenly, there's a ray of sunshine, a word of hope, a confirmation of God's love and acceptance. It's still a walk of faith, but I'm thankful that God doesn't leave us on the journey alone; he's a constant companion, pointing out the beauty in the midst of suffering, the glory in the midst of pain. It's not an easy journey, but from my perspective, it's so worth it!

Picture taken March 17 driving through my neighborhood :)